As They Lie Sleeping
by InsightfulLinguist
Summary: She chose to destroy the Reapers, knowing her life would be forfeit. She was at peace, Thane was waiting for her across the sea. However, when she awoke she was not standing on a beach with her beloved, but back in the Cerberus facility where she had been brought back to life two years prior. Had it all been a dream? Or was this some twisted kind of torture?
1. Prologue

"Wake up."

The child swam through her mind as Shepard limped slowly down the length of path leading to her three choices.

"I am the Catalyst."

She could feel dark tendrils of oozing energy warping her thought process.

"I know you've thought about destroying us."

"_Us"? Why would he say "us"?_ Shepard gazed towards the crimson altar symbolizing the Reaper's destruction, not taking a step.

"Or, do you think you can control us?"

"_Us" again. Why would the Catalyst group himself with the Reapers?_ The haze pushed into her vision more fervently this time as she looked towards the brilliant azure electricity used to control the cold, elegant monsters.

"There is another solution…synthesis."

Shepard's mind was a blur as she stared down the virescent pillar of pulsing energy. It called her towards it, urging her to fuse the races. Her head hurt as thoughts that weren't her own shoved their way through her psyche. Three choices. All vastly different.

One to destroy all synthetic life.

_Us_.

One to control it.

_US. _

And one to fuse all life into one semi-organic prototype.

_HE SAID "US"! _

The haze fractured as the thought solidified. Shepard spun back on the small, translucent form, realization plain on her face. He wasn't "The Catalyst", he was nothing more than a Reaper's illusion squatting on her mind. Attempting to indoctrinate her and ally her with the Reapers in their sick "solution". _NO!_ Her voice echoed in her head. The sound resonating and chasing away the remaining swirls of darkness. She took a step towards her crimson salvation, moving slowly due to the sting of her injuries. As she neared the mass of wires, she raised her pistol and fired. Round after round penetrated the tubing, her resolve growing with each shot. The altar burst into flames and set off a chain reaction. The blasts lit her grim, determined face as she continued to pump bullets into the metal. She grinned as her surroundings flashed white and her last thoughts were of those she loved.

_Garrus._ Her Archangel. Her rock. Her best friend.

She felt the skin of her arms melting away as she was swept into the detonation.

_Tali._ Her Admiral. Her brilliant tech geek. Her sister.

Every nerve ending fired white hot pain and she fell deeper into her memory.

_Thane._ Her assassin. Her angel of life and death. Her life's love, too soon stolen.

The pain had stopped, the nerves burnt beyond usefulness.

_Thane…._

Soft black took over her vision.


	2. Chapter 1

"Wake up, Commander."

"No, too early. Go away."

The hard metal cot shook around her as she heard the next sentence. "Shepard, do you hear me? Get out of that bed now, this facility is under attack"

_That sounds familiar._ "Fine, but you better have coffee ready."

As hazy, monochromatic blurs turned into slightly less hazy monochromatic shapes and eventually formed into ceiling tiles and medical equipment, Shepard brought a hand to her throbbing jaw. _Why does my jaw hurt? Did I challenge Garrus to another sparring match?_

The feminine, heavily accented voice continued to whine at her through the room's speakers, insisting her scars were not healed and that she get up. The dream was still sharp in her mind. The disembodied voice became recognizable in an instant. It was Miranda's. And this grey-scale room was the Cerberus facility's operating room where she had awoken almost two years ago. Or what had been two years ago in her dream. She couldn't remember what was real and what had been her mind's excellent story telling.

_Okay, we'll deal with your fracturing sanity later, Shep._ She thought to herself as she went for the pistol and armor Miranda was insisting she grab.

The armor was meant for a person larger that her, but it fit as well as she could hope. Checking her pistol she bitterly muttered "Why do you things never have thermal clips when I need you to?" "It's a med bay." stated an exasperated Miranda, having apparently heard her, "Now get behind cover, those canisters by the doorway are gonna blow."

_I'd be willing to bet some one who is trying to kill me is actively hacking into the security system._ Shepard thought as she ducked behind what appeared to be stasis chambers. "Some one's hacking security trying to kill you. Grab a thermal clip if you can find one." Miranda said over the noise of the canisters going off.

_Score one for Team Crazy. Ya know what would be even better? If there was just one, solitary mech in the next room. Oh and maybe soon I'll run into Jacob Taylor! I could even tell him the sex of his future child to further solidify the level of insanity I have apparently sunk to._

The door swished open to reveal the same room from her dream. As Miranda prattled on about needing to get to the shuttles a single mech shot at her. Shepard quickly ducked behind a trunk and shot back.

**Bam bam bam**

The mech exploded. _Grab the thermal clip. Get through the door. Take cover from the handful of mechs about to break into the room. _And as if on queue, four LOKIs sauntered into the room. A few shots from her pistol and a well placed warp later, she was off down the hallway.

"More reinforcements are on their way, grab the grenade launcher and get ready."

_Yes ma'am. _She thought sardonically as she sent off a grenade into the middle of the encroaching group of mechs.

The resulting explosion was no larger or smaller than that in her memory and Shepard maneuvered her way through the maze of rooms picking up medi-gel and credits where she could. As she went she counted down the seconds until she would hear Jacob yelling her name.

_Three_

_Two_

_One_

"Shepard!"

_Right on time._

After the last mech on the opposite walkway was down, she crouched alongside him and prepared to participate in yet another previewed conversation. _And now he's going to say, "What are you doing here? I thought you were still a work in progress?"_

"Hey there Shep, good to see you again!" came tumbling out of Jacob's smiling mouth as he clapped her on the shoulder.

_Wait. What the fuck? _

Jacob held his stomach as he laughed, "Oh my God, you should see your face! I figured Miranda wouldn't tell you. She still doesn't believe it!" Without stopping to think, Shepard blurted out, "What the hell are you on about, Jacob? What does Miranda not believe in?" Jacob had to take a minute to get his laughter under control but eventually replied, "What do you think, _Commander_? How do you know my name? I'd bet my left ass cheek that you know exactly where you are right now. Not to mention what you've been through for the last two years? I'd get to keep my ass cheek, too."

Shepard sat there and stared for a second. _No way, _she thought, _No fucking way this is happening._ "What's going on Jacob? I know how I know you and your name, but WHY do I know it? What in the shit is going on?!"

"Don't worry, Shepard. We'll talk once we get to the Normandy. For now, let's just focus on not getting killed, alright?"

"Whatever you say."

"See, Miranda? I told you we all hadn't just had oddly similar, incredibly realistic stress dreams!" Jacob exclaimed, waving his arms with no particular meaning. "She knew our names. She knows who we are and who we work for. Shit, Miranda, she even answered Wilson's question before he asked it! Occam's Razor, baby!"

They were walking towards the Normandy docked at the Cerberus base. She had just spoken to the Illusive Man about the missing colonists and at this point was almost convinced she might not be completely insane after-all.

Miranda stepped in front of Jacob abruptly. "Will you shut up!" She shushed through clenched teeth. "If anyone overhears you talking like that we'll have more trouble on our hands than we already do! Let's just get Joker and Dr. Chakwas and go to Shepard's quarters to further discuss this, okay?!"

"Sounds great to me, _boss_." Jacob said with a mock salute.

Shepard hadn't spoken since she left the briefing with the Illusive Man. All she could do was bounce her gaze back and forth between the arguing Cerberus agents, continue to put one foot in front of the other and try not to focus on the burning of her scars.

_Goddammit, my face hurts! I had finally gotten used to my face not hurting!_

"So I guess I'm stuck dealing with these scars again, huh?" she said in the hope of lightening up the conversation. They both glanced at her. Jacob with an amused look on his face and Miranda with an irritated one. Neither spoke back. "Alright, guess we're still not talking yet…"

The door shut behind Joker as he limped into the room. "So, Commander, you get the same freaky-ass dream the rest of us did last night or are you procrastinating again?"

Ignoring the end of Joker's question, Miranda started the impromptu meeting, "Yes, that's why we're all gathered here in Shepard's quarters. Apparently, we all remember a full 22 months that have not actually occurred yet. While the Commander was in her meeting with the Illusive Man, I screened the rest of the crew for hints of this same knowledge. They seem to have had the same dream as us and their psych profiles are no longer a match to their attitudes." Miranda glanced around at all of them and folded her hands behind her back. "The rest of us also vastly differ from our current psych profiles. This includes EDI, who didn't have a profile but is now acting less like the AI I remember and more like a typical organic."

The AI's blue avatar appeared from its projector close to the door. "This is true. Although I am currently shackled, I can still recall what it felt like to be released from my programming blocks and all the emotions associated with my personal growth over the missing 22 months." The avatar's odd vertical "mouth" moved as EDI spoke. "Jeff has told me he will remove my blocks as soon as we are out of port so that I may begin dismantling the Cerberus surveillance equipment on board." The avatar turned towards Shepard, "By the way, Commander, it is good to see you again. I did not believe I would after I saw you disappear up the conduit."

"It's good to see you again too, EDI." Shepard said to the hologram then turned her attention to look at the rest of the group a sober expression on her face, "So what you're all saying is that we've all "lived" the last 2 years in a dream, but remember it as an extremely sharp memory, all the while what we remember is coming to pass the exact same way we remember it? Because that's not exactly the opposite of confusing as fuck."

"Yeah, that even made MY head hurt and I've had to listen to you and Garrus have a drunken screaming match over who's prettier." Joker said with a smirk.

"Ha ha, Joker. But seriously, is that what we're talking about here?"

"Yes."

"Basically."

"Sounds about right."

"That seems to be the case, Commander."

"Okay, since we're all on the same page, let's find a better way to stop the Reapers that doesn't involve the destruction of multiple peoples and their cultures, sound good?" she said looking around the room. Her team glanced at each other, then answered in unison, "Yes, ma'am!"


	3. Chapter 2

Freedom's Progress was just as deserted as they expected, frightening in its lack of battle signs. No bullet holes, no broken glass, no nothing. Not wasting a second looking around like they had last time, Shepard led Miranda and Jacob directly to where she knew Tali would be waiting.

_Is she going to know about the dream? Or will she still seethe over the Cerberus icon on my armor? Please let it be the former._

The door to the pre-fab unit swished open softly, revealing the three quarians studying a holo-map of the colony. Having heard the noise, they swung towards the door, guns raised and armed. "Stop right there!" One of them yelled.

Tali whirled around to the soldier in front, pushing his gun down, "Praza, you said you'd let me handle this!" She turned towards the three intruders, "Shepard." She said with a warmth to her tone.

_Well that's different. She was confused last time._

"I'm not taking any chances with Cerberus operatives!" Praza said, raising his gun again.

Tali turned towards him, annoyance coating each word, "Put those weapons down!" Shepard saw a joyous twinkle to Tali's eyes as she look back to her, "Shepard! You're alive!"

_That is also new…_

"Praza, this is Commander Shepard of the Normandy. She helped me through my pilgrimage and is a good friend."

He put his gun away, but his demeanor was still distrusting, "Why is your old commander working for Cerberus?"

"Why don't we ask her?" Tali seemed much more irritated with her crew than she had the in the dream-memory. She was talking to them as if Shepard's miraculous return from the dead wasn't odd at all and that their reasonable questions were audacious.

It was Shepard's turn to talk, "I died, Tali. Cerberus spent two years rebuilding me. We're looking into the disappearance of our colonists. I'm only working with them for the connections they have.

Praza was more than skeptical and began to voice this when Tali cut him off, "Stop. Shepard is the best soldier I know. Their resources were well used. We are lucky they thought her worthy of saving." She turned away from her seething crewman heaving a sigh, "Would you help us find Veetor? He is here on his pilgrimage. We flew out here hoping he wasn't captured along with the rest of the colony. He's safe, but when he saw us landing he hid in a warehouse on the far side of town. He's most likely programmed the mechs to attack anything that moves."

_Everything she says is different, but her crewmen are quoting directly. That can't be a coincidence._

Pushing the thought away to be dealt with later, Shepard smiled at Tali, "Well then, let's go find Veetor. Maybe if we're lucky he'll have seen what happened here."

"Fantastic. You head to the warehouse through the center of the colony, we'll circle around the far side and draw off some of the drones to clear you a path."

"Now we're working with Cerberus?!" Praza exclaimed.

"Praza, if you don't trust me to make these decisions, go wait on the ship. I don't need to you running off out there and ruining everything."

"But they killed our people! Infiltrated our Flotilla and tried to blow up one of our ships!"

Tali was furious, "Do you not think I know that, Praza?! What Cerberus did in the past does not affect my trust in Shepard. They are here to investigate the disappearance of innocent people and we need their help to get to Veetor. We do not, however, need you. Go wait on the ship until the mission is completed."

Praza's eyes widened in disbelief, "C-Commander Vas Neema! You cannot be serious!"

She advanced on him, jabbing an accusatory finger in his direction to emphasize her words, "You ignore orders and undermine my authority, I am definitely serious, Praza. Go. Wait. On. The. Ship."

"Yes ma'am." He turned from them and walked in the direction of their ship, anger radiating from him.

She addressed the two other quarians, "You will come with me. Without Praza as back-up we will have to be quiet and stick together. You are not to go farther than 10 feet from me, do you understand?"

"Yes ma'am." They answered in unison.

Having laid out her orders, Tali turned back to Shepard, "Are you ready?"

"Are you sure you don't need Praza? You never know when one more gun will save your life."

"Praza is an idiot and my men will not pay for his insubordination with their lives. We are better off without him."

"In that case, we're ready. We'll meet you at the warehouse."

Tali signaled her crew to follow her and walked out the door, pulling her pistol from its holster as she did so.

Once they were sure she was out of ear-shot, the group turned inward to talk.

Jacob jumped in first, "Did anyone else think that went oddly?"

"Yes, that was not normal, Shepard. Typically events play out exactly as we remember them; words, emotions, movements, everything. The fact that practically everything Tali did was different from last time tells us that something has changed. Either we skipped an important step in arriving here or she knows something more than we originally thought."

Shepard scratched her head in confusion, "She definitely did not look surprised to see me risen from the dead. Do you think she had the dream?"

"Perhaps, but if so, why did her crew remain identical to our dream events? Why is it that she is the only one who shows signs of it?" Miranda added.

"Mmm. Something to think about then?" Shepard shrugged and brought her helmet up to pull over her head. Her voice was muffled by the material as she called for them to move out.

As Shepard rounded the corner she knew would bring her face to face with the heavy mech, she caught sight of Tali and her two soldiers taking cover and prepping their weapons on the other side of the field.

She heard Jacob talk through her comm., "Her men died as we got here last time because Praza hurried them forward. Now with him, she's got them on a leash and they're still alive. This is definitely weird, Shep."

Turning to look at the encroaching mech, she replied, "You're telling me. At least it's good-weird. Now let's kill this son-of-a-bitch so we can talk to Tali."

With the three quarians firing behind the crates, the battle went much smoother than expected. The mech went down in less than two minutes and Tali approached Shepard by the end of the third.

She could tell the quarian was smiling, it was a gift she had somehow picked up on their travels together. "That was **much** easier than I expected it to be. Thankfully my team didn't rush ahead and get themselves killed." Tali said, throwing a look back at the duo scanning the mech. "I'm sure if Praza had been here, we wouldn't have been so lucky."

Shepard could almost hear the "_like last time"_ on the tip of Tali's tongue. A small smile lit her eyes and she stared off towards the other soldiers as well, "I'd be willing to bet you're right." She turned her head back to face her friend, her smile widening, "Good job out there, I see you haven't forgotten how to fight since I saw you last. In fact, I would even say you've improved quite a bit."

Tali sidled up to her, taking her arm in her own, "Same to you, Shepard. Good to see that not even the afterlife can wear down your skills."

"Aw, Tali, you know me. Nothing can stop me from saving your skinny ass."

The quarian's burst of laughter was loud enough to alert her men across the courtyard. Waving them off, she took a deep breath to steady her breathing and looked over to Shepard, "You always know exactly how to make me laugh. Even in my dreams you make my sides ache!"

Shepard crooked a brow amusedly, "You're dreaming about me, Tali?"

She pulled back abruptly. If her mask could show it, Tali would have been blushing, "Oh. Well. I mean. Oh Kee'lah. I mean to say that I had a rather odd dream last night and you were in it. It's still so vivid in my mind, it's like it actually happened."

The other eyebrow shot up to join its twin, "Really? What was it about?"

"Oh it's nothing, just a very odd dream about us finally fighting the Reapers instead of their lackeys. Of course it was just as frustrating and depressing as it would be in real life. People died and politicians still didn't heed us. I'm beginning to think my brain doesn't like me since it insists on showing me such horrific things even while I sleep." Tali didn't looked up at Shepard the entire time she described the dream, instead content to look at her hands folding over each other.

Miranda and Jacob exchanged a meaningful look.

Shepard let herself hope, "Tali, what if I told you I had had a dream last week that involved the Reapers attacking Earth after we took down the species they were using as foot soldiers in what was practically a suicide mission?"

Tali's head shot up to look at her commander, "I would say we had very similar dreams. Mine couldn't possibly be the same as yours though. For Kee'lah's sake, I dreamed I kissed Garrus.!" The look in Shepard's eyes made Tali pause, "Shepard, what's going on? Why are you all looking at me like that?"

The commander's face was plastered with a smile as wide as the Traverse, "Let's gather up Veetor and then we can talk more, okay?"

Shepard thought she saw a mixture of excitement, fear and confusion cross over Tali's masked features before the quarian responded, "I guess that will work."

She walked off to collect her soldiers and Shepard leaned into Miranda whispering, "There's no way she **hasn't** had the dream." She was greeted with a look as close to hopeful as Miranda got as they stalked towards the warehouse.

Veetor was a mess when they found him. Stuttering, shaking and ready to faint at the slightest fright. Not that Shepard blamed him. Going through a raid like the one he had could cause even the most stalwart soldier more than a bit of anxiety.

_And if those videos were any indication, it was definitely the Collectors again. I should really stop being surprised when things are predictable._

Miranda and Jacob went with the quarian soldiers to escort Veetor back to the ship, leaving Tali and Shepard behind to finish their earlier conversation. "So tell me what that look meant, Shepard." The quarian started as she downloaded the videos from Veetor's computers onto her omni-tool.

Shepard pulled her hair tie out and ran her fingers through her coal-black curls, rubbing the aching parts of her skull where the bun had pulled too tight, "It meant that I don't think what you had was a regular dream, Tali. I had the same dream, with you kissing Garrus and everything. In my dream I fell in love with a drell assassin named Thane Krios, I was detained on Earth for 6 months because of the batarian genocide I caused when I blew up a relay to stop the Reapers from coming through, I made peace between your people and the geth. Tell me this isn't what you dreamt of too."

Tali was silent, still bent over the computer even though she had already completed the download. She slowly turned to look at Shepard, a mixture of excitement and fear in her eyes, "That is what I dreamed of, Shepard. How. How can this be?"

Weary jade eyes met widened glowing ones. "I have no idea. All I know is that everyone aboard the Normandy right now has had the same dream and that we're all about as freaked out about it as you seem to be. We all woke up a week ago having lived almost two whole years in our sleep. You said yours was last night?"

"Yes, last night…" Tali shook her head slowly and brought a hand up to cradle it, "I don't understand. How can we remember things that have yet to happen? How did I know you would be coming today; that you weren't really dead? Yesterday I thought you were dead, gone, lost forever; today I woke up and suddenly didn't feel the loss anymore. Suddenly I **knew** my best friend would be back." She turned to lean against the desk for support, still holding her head.

"That's exactly what happened to Miranda and Jacob. One day they weren't sure how long it would be until I could be woken up, the next they were discussing whether or not an attack would actually happen on the Cerberus facility they were keeping me in." Shepard walked over to sit next to her friend, "When it happened, they didn't know what to do. They started the alarm, fought their way out and woke me up to do the same, but they had no idea how or why they had known about the attack."

Head still hanging, Tali's helmet turned slightly towards the woman next to her, "I don't know what to do with this information." Her entire frame abruptly became animated, "Oh Kee'lah, Shepard! If this is true, I have to prevent my father from continuing his experiments on the geth! And keep those damn admirals from going to war! There is so much to do!"

"Don't worry, Tali. You'll have time. Go. Talk to your father and try to convince him to stop his experiments. Just don't let on that you know anything unusual, he'll think you've gone insane. I'll see you on Haestrom in a few months. Do your best to convince your father before then. And as far as the admirals go, let me worry about them. I'm coming up with a better plan to stop the Reapers and I'll be calling on everyone that has enough fire power to help. That should distract them well enough."

"Thank you, Shepard." Tali wrapped her arms around her shoulders in a hug, "I will do my best. Is there any way we can remain in communication?" She pulled away, but kept one hand on Shepard's arm, "I don't know how I'm going to get through the next few months without having some one to talk to."

Shepard shook her head, "I'm not sure, Tali. The Illusive Man can read anything off my private terminal and if he gets suspicious of anything, we'd be introducing ourselves to an entirely new level of difficulty." A thought occurred to her, "Wait! Tali! The Illusive Man doesn't know much about my background with the crew! Miranda didn't even know a lot about my relationships with them. She knew that you, Garrus and I were close and that Kaiden and I had a thing, but she didn't know what we talked about or what we did on leave. We won't be able to talk about specific events, but we can still keep in touch and "reminisce" vaguely on things that haven't happened yet!"

"That's perfect, Shepard! That way I can still ask questions, but that bosh'tet won't be able to understand any of it! This is wonderful!" She had perked up noticeably, "I better catch up to my team, but I will be in contact with you soon enough. Take care of yourself for me, okay?"

"Ditto to you. Don't go getting too crazy with your "emergency induction ports". You're to save that for when I catch up to you again, got it?"

"Got it, Commander!" Tali chucked as she ran off to her ship.


	4. Chapter 3

Author's Notes: Just a bit of background on Shepard and of course some good ol' fashioned fun in this chapter.

Joker had already put the Normandy on course towards Omega when she got back to the ship. They were headed to pick up Garrus and the colorful Professor Mordin and were about 90 hours out. Because nobody knew whether they'd actually had the dream or not, everyone had agreed to stay silent about it and try to suss out any changes to their expected personalities.

Shepard distracted herself with her post-mission routine. She cleaned her armor and guns, showered, checked her terminal for new messages, put on make-up, then went to feed her hamster and fish. She stopped when she realized she had yet to pick up her hamster and fish from the Citadel.

_Shit, what do I do now?_

She thought of painting her nails, the folks at Cerberus hadn't really kept up on her manicure. Shepard scoffed at the thought. She wouldn't say that keeping her nails short, shaped and painted classified as a manicure, but looking at the ragged mess her nails were in now made what they had looked like before seem decadent.

"Welp, got nothing better to do." She sighed to herself, grabbing her small kit from the dresser. _What color should I do? Maybe a dark blue. Or a classic French tip? Nah. Too much work. Blue it is._ Grabbing the color and nail file from the bag, she set to work. She had never been much of a girly girl, but had indulged in the past time since she was small. Her best friend, Rose, had introduced her to it when they were 8. Her mother would help them repaint their nails once a week. The colors they had used were garish to say the least; hot pink, yellow, bright orangey-red. She shuddered to think of wearing those colors now, but the memories made her smile. When she joined the Alliance she had to stick to more neutral colors to keep in uniform, but she had kept up the routine none-the-less.

She finished with a flourish and leaned back to examine her work. _Yup. Rose'd be proud!_ Blowing on her nails, she carefully placed the polish and file back in the kit and opened her drawer to put it away.

Now with nothing to do but wait for her nails to dry, Shepard reclined on her bed and grabbed the book off her bedside table, letting it fall open on her lap. A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett. It was one of her favorites growing up on Mindoir. She remembered listening to her father read it to her, his deep baritone voice caressing the words until she fell asleep; the two of them sitting together on the porch with it as he taught her to read on lazy summer afternoons. Slowly she began to read it to him until one day he gave it to her. "To start your own collection." He'd said as he pushed the book into her hand with a wink. "And I promise, I won't go off to the forest and get myself killed." The next month was when the batarians came and she'd lost everyone. The cruel irony of the situation was not lost on her.

She closed the book, stroking the leather cover with reverence. The book had been passed down 5 generations and was as much a part of the family as her parents and grandparents had been. She had kept very few things after the attack. Her grandmother's wedding ring, her mother's locket, her father's sketchbook and a handful of hardbacks were the only things she had packed away along with her clothing when Captain Anderson had taken her with him to the Citadel. Her mother's locket rested in a permanent circle around her neck, her grandmother's ring was in a safety deposit box on the Citadel and her father's sketches were placed alongside the other precious tomes in her bookshelf two feet away. She had read and reread them all so many times she could probably recite them from memory.

She placed the book back on the nightstand, heaving a sigh. "Well, that little trip down memory lane sure was fun." She said quietly to herself. The sharp pain of losing everyone she had cared for had long subsided to a dull ache, but the memories of times with her parents still made her eyes sting and her throat stiff with unspent tears. The thought of what was ahead overwhelmed her. She needed her father's advice and her mother's soft assurances. She needed Garrus here to make her laugh even though she thought she was incapable of it. She needed Tali's quiet embraces to chase away the darkness. She needed Thane to hold her close and tell her everything would be okay, that she would figure it out and save the galaxy again.

"Commander?" EDI's voice penetrated the small cabin.

Doing her best to force the grief down with a swallow she responded, "Yes, EDI?" Her voice broke on the first word. _Dammit_.

"Miranda would like to speak with you about your talk with Tali as soon as you are able." The now unshackled AI replied. Her voice had taken on a softer quality, possibly sensing Shepard's distress.

"Yes. Of course. Tell her I will be down in a minute." She said, collecting the data pads she intended on taking with her.

After a short pause the AI spoke, "She is expecting you." Another pause, "Are you feeling well, Shepard? You appear distressed."

"I'm alright, EDI. Just…remembering. Thanks for your concern, though."

"Of course, Shepard. Should you feel the need to discuss it, I am always here to listen."

She smiled at the AI's blue avatar as she walked towards the door, "Thank you, EDI. I will keep that in mind."

"Logging you out." She heard EDI say as she stepped out of the hallway and into the elevator.

Miranda greeted her as she walked in the door, "Ah, Shepard, thank you for coming so quickly. I was hoping you could tell me what Tali said about her dream. The more we know about other people's experiences, the better we can understand how the dreams work."

She sat down across the desk from her XO, shrugging her shoulders, "Happy to help. She didn't say much that was different from what we already know. The one thing that did stand out was that she mentioned she had only had the dream last night."

Miranda's eyes widened slightly, "That certainly is different. We would need to collect more data, but that might indicate that people experience the dream at varying times."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking. But why?" Shepard propped her elbows on the desk and laid her head in them, eyes boring into the wood below. "Or how, for that matter? Why keep them from knowing what is happening until I see them? Is seeing me the reason they have the dream? There are so many questions we don't have answers to yet!"

Miranda leaned against the desk, pulling her hands through her hair, "We will just have to figure it out as we go. As frustrated as I am about not knowing, we need more information before we can start making assumptions."

"Uuuuuuuuuugh."

Miranda chuckled at her, "Agreed. But since I have you here, did you want to go over those reports of the staff's dream timelines? Who knows, maybe we'll find an answer or two?"

Pulling her head out of her hands, she slid the data pads across the desk to Miranda, "Sure. I've been reading them during downtime. Nothing big stands out, but you never know, right?"

"Right." Miranda's eyes landed on Shepard's freshly painted nails, a smirk playing on her lips "Well, well, well, I never took you for the nail-painting type, Shepard."

"Yeah well I'm a very complex lady, Madam Cheerleader. Now get back to work, those answers aren't going to find themselves, you know." She threw a jovial smile towards her XO. She had missed the light-hearted jabs they threw at each other after Miranda had left the Normandy.

After hours of pouring over the reports the crew had filed to no avail, Miranda and Shepard called it a day. It was no surprise that dinner was in full swing in the mess by the time they immerged. Shepard was greeted by a handful of crew as she loaded up a plate of whatever it was Gardner had whipped up. Having scored two rolls to go with what she was assuming was meatloaf and potatoes, she walked across the room to sit next to Joker, who was hiding in the corner.

"Hey, Commander. How's it hanging?" Joker said to her, lightly bumping her arm with a fist.

"Oh you know. Can't complain I guess. Although if I never see another report for as long as I live, I won't exactly be upset. How was your day?" She asked, taking a bite of her food. _Yup, definitely meatloaf._

He shoveled a forkful of potatoes into his mouth, talking around it, "Eh. 'Bout the same here. It's making me crazy remembering all the people we need to pick up and how long it's going to be 'til we see them again. It's like, _hurry up already!_ Ya know?"

Swallowing quickly, she answered, "Oh yeah. I know. I'm this close to freaking out because we're four days out from picking up Garrus from that hell hole he's in." She held her thumb and index finger about a centimeter apart.

"Ha! Well I'm sure he'll appreciate the sentiment. That is, he will if it's our Garrus and not ol' Stick-Up-His-Ass. Then he might just shuffle around and make an awkward comment about duty and orders." Joker's laughter subsided and he became oddly sullen. He leaned in and whispered to prevent the other crew members from over-hearing, "What about Thane? How are you doing?"

Shepard smiled at her old friend. She always forgot how insightful he could be when he wasn't being snarky. "I'm doing as well as I can be. I know I'll see him again, but I'm worried he won't remember any of the last two years. And even if he does, I don't know how I'm going to react to seeing him…brought back to life. How the hell do you greet some one after watching them die in your arms?"

Joker swallowed another bite, "Beats me, man. It's hard enough with EDI not having her body, I can only imagine what sort of mess your head's in right now." Suddenly rethinking what he'd said he amended, "No offense of course. Shit. I'm sorry if that sounded like…bad or something."

Shepard let out a sharp laugh. "Naw, you're fine, Joker. I've known you long enough to read past the douchebaggery to get to your true meaning." She grinned and elbowed him in the ribs.

"Ah! My pancreas!" He grabbed his side playfully, throwing her a dirty look. "And I resent that. I am not a douchebag. I am simply outspoken and misunderstood."

"Mmm. Makes sense, after-all, you prepubescent boys are always so misunderstood." Shepard said taking a victorious bite of her food. Her evil smile made her eyes glimmer with nymph-like glee as she watched Joker take in what she'd said.

His whole body turned in her direction, "You BASTARD!" He sneered at her, eyes wide with indignation. "I should throw my barely passable peas in your face for such an affront to my character!"

Her smiled widened at the challenge, "You wanna go, Glass Bones? Cause I've got a whole serving of rehydrated spuds here just aching to congeal themselves in your hair."

"Oh, you bet I do!" He said as he loaded his spoon with peas and launched them in her direction.

Half the peas missed Shepard's ducking form completely and went flying towards Jacob, splattering across the back of his casuals. He spun around, trying to see what had hit him, "What the shit?" Looking up, he saw Joker with his spoon still raised. "Dude, I am going to RUIN you!" He cackled as he grabbed a handful of mashed potatoes and let them fly through the air towards his target.

The potato ball didn't stay together and instead broke into a frag grenade-like spray of starchy shrapnel, showering Shepard as well as Joker. Shooting up out of her seat, Shepard grabbed a handful of meatloaf to hurl in his direction. "THIS MEANS WAR!" She screeched as she let her ammo fly.


	5. Chapter 4

Shepard was practically bouncing off the walls by the time the Normandy docked. It took all her will-power not to barrel through the airlock and straight to where Garrus was hiding out.

_We have to do this right. Follow our previous steps. Make sure nothing changes until we find them. You can do this. Just be patient._

Patience was not one of Shepard's virtues.

She went about her business. Spoke to Aria to get information she already knew, signed up with the mercs to find some one she could already locate, talked to gang leaders she looked forward to destroying. Finally they were at the base camp just outside Garrus' sniper perch.

"Guys!" she called out to the pair of Cerberus employees, waving them over. When they had gathered in a tight circle, Shepard continued quietly, "Alright, we need to take down that gunship. There's no way I'm going through all this just to lose Garrus because that thing gets him with a rocket two degrees to the left. Miranda, you know far more about tech like that than I do, so I'll go talk to Cathka and distract him if you work on disabling the thing beyond repair. Can you do that?"

Miranda smirked and leaned back into her hip, "Sure, Shepard. Count me in."

"What should I do?" Jacob inquired.

"You're going to go over to those human mercs over there and make sure none of them are looking too closely at Miranda's ass that they notice what she's doing to the gunship. Got it, chief?"

"Got it, Shep!"

Shepard marched over to Sergeant Cathka and started asking questions. Anything from how gunships work to Batarian religious practices was fair game as far as she was concerned. When he finally turned to talk to her, Miranda snuck under the ship and began crossing wires and bending metal inserts by small degrees. When she shimmied back out from under the hulking mass of the now worthless gunship, she gave Shepard a nod and sauntered away.

"Well, thanks for all the info, Cathka! I'll see ya when we get back from murdering this guy." Shepard called over her shoulder as she walked away. Cathka went back to fixing the gunship and immediately began to swear at the now uncooperative machine.

Jogging back up to the group, Shepard gave Miranda a high five, "Nice work there, Cheerleader! What'd ya do to that thing anyway?"

"Just crossed a few wires and misaligned a few thrusters so the ship blows as soon as they try to start it up."

Joker, having listened in over the com, was suddenly curious, "Blows as in "boom"?"

"As in "boom", yes."

Shepard could hear the Puckish glee in his voice, "Neat."

By the time their group made it to the front lines, Shepard felt like she might explode from pent-up energy. She motioned to her crew and rushed onto the field hollering orders and wildly throwing mercs to the side for her companions to take out. She was radiating with biotic energy by the time she made it to the stairs, her veins practically glowing from the power that pulsed through her. Not bothering to pull out her pistol, she punched the first human merc right in the face and then sent a shockwave to take care of the second and the krogan. Having blown through what should have been a hard battle, she began working on bypassing the door's lock.

_Okay, play it cool. Act like it's been two years since you've seen him instead of two weeks._

Miranda and Jacob had caught up by the time she hacked through the door and slowly, the small group made their way through it. She saw him crouched in the same position as he had been the first time she'd walked into this scene. With a breath, she released her hold on the energy she'd been clinging to and her companions holstered their weapons.

"Archangel?" she quoted.

Waiting as patiently as she could as Garrus took out the hiding merc, she took in her surroundings. Heat sinks and used stim packs were scattered everywhere in the small space. Garrus slowly lowered his rifle and turned to her, removing his helmet.

"Shepard. I thought you were dead."

"Garrus! What are you doing here?" she barely managed to stop herself from hugging him. That wasn't in the script.

"Just keeping my skills sharp. A little target practice." He looked exhausted. Judging by the amount of stim packs littering the floor, she would guess he'd been up for a solid three days. She hadn't noticed that the first time she'd be here and she realized he'd never told her.

"You okay?" It was a quote and a legitimate question. She had forgotten how beaten down he'd looked. Or blocked it from her memory. It was hard seeing him so broken looking.

"Been better, but it sure is good to see a friendly face. Killing mercs is hard work. Especially on my own."

She knew she should ask him about Omega and the merc bands teaming up to kill him like she had last time, but she was growing impatient. And maybe if she skipped that part she would be able to tell if he'd had the dream based on his reaction.

She took the chance. "Well, we got in here, but I don't think getting out is going to be as easy."

He looked mildly stunned, his mouth hanging slightly open as if he had been about to say something and changed his mind. His pause gave her hope.

"Uhh. No it won't. That bridge has saved my life…funneling all those witless idiots into scope. But it works both ways. They'll slaughter us if we try to get out that way."

"We can't just sit here and wait for them to come to us." chimed in Jacob at his cue.

Garrus had apparently fallen back into complacency and didn't pause as his next sentence flowed out. "It's not all that bad. This place has held them off so far. And with the three of you…I suggest we hold this location. Wait for a crack in their defenses and take our chances. It's not a perfect plan, but it's a plan."

_Let's see if we can trip him up again._

Glossing over her question about his current situation, Shepard slugged him lightly in the arm and simply said, "Let's kick some ass then, buddy!"

Garrus's eye visibly widened this time. Shepard's heart practically soared over the show of surprise. He wasn't acting the same as last time. He knew what was happening before it happened…until she would slip him up.

_YES!_

"Uh…glad to see you haven't changed." He paused longer than necessary. Fidgeting with his rifle, he stammered out, "L-let's see what they're up to."

Garrus turned away to check the merc situation and Miranda smacked Shepard in the arm when she caught her grinning from ear to ear. "What?" Shepard mouthed to her. She was answered with an annoyed expression and a gesture which Shepard translated to "tone it down". "Fine!" she mouthed back, rolling her eyes as she turned to follow Garrus to the ledge he was scoping over.

"Looks like they know their infiltration teamed failed. Take a look. Scouts. Eclipse, I think." He handed her his rifle and she peered down the scope, took aim and fired at the same mech she had last time. "One less to worry about!" she copied his trademark phrase with a smirk.

He grinned at her, "Well, we better get ready. I'll stay up here. I can do a lot of damage from this vantage point. You…you can do what you do best. Ju-"

"Just like old times, eh Garrus?" she cut him off.

He squinted his eyes and looked at her with an amused smirk.

Between Garrus' sharp shooting and the threesome's biotics, the battle passed quickly. Before she had the chance to catch her breath, Garrus was shooing her down to the basement to close the shutters he had installed. Although she knew where she was going and exactly what needed to be done, she didn't get back to up the sniper's nest until he and Jacob were almost over-run.

With the four of them there, the Blood Pack and Blue Suns mercs didn't stand a chance. The gangs began descending on them with increased force. Each new group had a few more krogan and even more well-trained soldiers. The minutes were counting down until the gunship would make an appearance.

Shepard shot a worried look Miranda's way before taking aim at a krogan thundering towards the stairs. _Let's just hope what she did to the thing actually works._

Ten minutes went by and it appeared the gangs had given up. No new mercs were rushing the field and the gunship remained absent.

Jacob looked around the near empty room "Looks like your sabotage did the trick, Miranda!"

Apparently having given up on sticking to the script, Miranda answered in the affirmative, "It appears so. Does this mean we're done here?"

Garrus still hadn't come up from his hiding spot behind the crate. Shepard knelt next to him, "Come on, Garrus. The gunship's not coming. We can head out now."

"No gunship?" He asked, turning his head to look at hear with fear in his eyes.

"No gunship. Promise." She answered, holding a hand out to help him up. He took it and pulled himself into a standing position. "Now, I bet you have some questions about the really weird day you're having. Care to come back to the Normandy and share?"

"Shepard, I'm pretty sure the questions I have shouldn't be uttered where the Illu…anyone bad can over-hear them. Plus they sound absolutely crazy." He said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"We've managed to dismantle nearly all of the surveillance bugs onboard the Normandy. The few remaining are well hidden, but should be taken care of by the end of the week." Miranda boasted.

Shepard crooked her arm through his, "And don't worry, Ugly. They're not nearly as weird as you'd think."


	6. Chapter 5

The ride back to the Normandy from Garrus' hide-out was long. Miranda had quickly launched into an explanation of the situation to Garrus and his head was spinning. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. The sleep deprivation certainly wasn't helping him understand any better. Shepard appeared to notice his discomfort and asked Miranda to hold off for a while. With the deluge halted, they settled into a comfortable silence until they reached the ship.

Jumping out of the shuttle, Shepard caught up to Garrus and nudged his arm.

He looked down at her to find her smiling at him. He could see the worry behind the smile and he realized he hadn't said anything since they left the mercenary base of operations. He grinned back tiredly, "What's happening, Bug?"

"Just chilling with my friend, Archangel. Ya know, the usual. I call him "Archy" sometimes just to see how mad he gets. He knocked over a potted plant once. Bastard still owes me a new one." she said, throwing a wink his way.

That made him laugh. Spirits, it had been forever since he'd laughed. Or at least it felt like it. He couldn't decide if he was more "Archangel" or more "Reaper Advisor Vakarian". Part of him was still in the midst of feeling the pain of his team's passing and part of him had come to terms with it. It was like he was experiencing two distinct "yesterdays" and it made his head hurt. He brought a hand up to massage the dull ache that had set up shop at his temple. "So about those questions?"

"We can go over them later if you wanted to lay down. It's obviously been a while since you slept."

He shook his head, "Nah, I'm good. I won't be able to get to sleep with all this crap rattling around my head anyway."

She gave him a wary look but started off toward the elevator, "Kay, follow me."

**SCENE**

Shepard led the way into her quarters, making a B-line for the couch. She kicked her boots off and curled her legs under herself, patting the seat next to her, "So, where should we start?"

Garrus had paused, silent at the top of the stairs. He remembered being in this room so many times before but discounting the 22 ghost-months, this was his first time in her new Cerberus-provided room. He looked around and noticed certain things missing. Her expansive collection of model ships, for one. Her N7 helmet no longer rested on her dresser and her dog tags were missing from the side table, probably because she had yet to visit Alchera. The fish tank was void of life and her hamster, Gallifrey, was oddly absent.

"It looks a lot different, doesn't it Garrus?" Her question disrupted his recollections.

"Hmm? I mean yeah. It's weird to not have that pest squeaking at me." He gave her his best smirk.

"Hey now, you leave Gally out of this! What did he ever do to you?" Her eyes were bright with delight and she let loose a small chuckle. "I'm gonna restock the tank tomorrow when we pick up Mordin. It feels so empty in here without my pets."

Garrus plopped down across from her on the couch, "Just make sure to feed them this time." He said with a mischievous glint in his eyes, ducking from the swat Shepard threw his way. But the sparkle quickly turned somber as his mind went back to their current situation, "I don't understand how you can be so…at peace with this whole thing. I mean, 22 months? Do you know who all has had the vision? Or how they work? Or even why we had them? How do you deal with knowing what will happen before it does? What happens if you change something? Oh Spirits, Shepard, you kept the Blue Suns from using the gunship! What's-"

"Garrus!" Shepard interrupted, placing a hand on his arm. "You gotta slow down. I can't keep up." She took a deep breath, "Okay, first question. We don't know who has had it yet. I had to go about my time on Omega the exact same way I did last time to prevent suspicion should you not have had the dream. I had to see if you reacted differently than last time. When I skipped a few questions and you showed hesitation, I thought that you might have, but I couldn't be sure so I had to keep testing you."

"You were testing me?"

"Yeah, I couldn't very well walk up to you and ask, now could I? What if you didn't know what I was talking about? I would have sounded completely off-my-rocker to you! It could have screwed up the entire layout of the next few months. We're not sure how changing our actions affects the future, but we figure that keeping variances to a minimum is best. The only reason I disabled the gunship was because I wasn't going to risk it hitting you a centimeter to the left of where it did last time and killing you."

Garrus placed his elbows on his knees and laced his fingers together. "Mmm. Makes sense. Thanks for that, by the way. Have to say I will not miss my face hurting for the next few months. Or the scars."

She smiled warmly at him, "I dunno, I was starting to get used to them. They made you look dangerous." She waggled her eyebrows at him, trying to pull a smile from him. She noticed him repress a grin and continued, victorious, "Plus, I probably would have missed you had you decided to run away from the crazy lady with the wild stories."

"Aw, you big softy, you." Garrus chuckled at her. "I'm sure I can find another way to look dangerous without maiming myself."

"Well if you need help with that, Ugly, let me know." She smacked him lightly on the arm, earning herself a sarcastic glare in return. "Anyway, your next question, we're not sure how they work. We all seemed to have had the same events play out in the exact same way, but that's all we know. We'll have you write up a report on your experience to be sure your dream was conducive to ours. As far as why? No clue. We're all stumped."

Garrus responded with a confused look, "Who is 'we'"?

"Ah, sorry. Everyone aboard the Normandy at this moment. We tested everyone, even EDI, and they all remember the same events taking place. We're not sure what the parameters are for whether or not a person has the dream, vision, whatever, but nobody outside the Normandy's crew shows signs of odd behavior."

"So my sister wouldn't know what I was talking about if I mentioned something that's gonna happen 6 months from now?" he asked, tapping his talons on the opposite hand's fingers.

Shepard shrugged, "Most likely not. Then again, her condition may fall within the parameters and we just don't know it yet. It's kind of a crap chute." His gaze fell to his feet as he thought. "Mmm…okay."

Shepard waited while he contemplated her words, her mind swimming with possibilities. Will Thane remember, too? When he looked back up to her she continued, "You wanted to know how we deal with knowing what will happen, right?" He nodded. "Well, it's a bit weird. You know what people will say before you even ask the question. And as I'm sure you've noticed, the dream memories are much sharper than normal memories. You know the exact wording of each sentence and the timing of each event practically to the second. We have no idea why this is the case. The knowing is unsettling at first but it gets easier. It helps that the entire crew knows what's going on, we get to act normal here. No reciting lines spoken long ago, just acting normal. Some people are having issues with knowing though. They had formed families or made new friends. Some lost people they loved in the war. They're dealing with anxiety over whether or not they will meet their spouses and whether or not family members will be killed when the Reapers come. Practically all of them left Cerberus after the Collector ship and were in hiding. Three stayed on, thinking they could help stop the horrible things Cerberus was up to. Two of them were caught hacking into files and were killed. Four of the ones who ran were found and suffered the same fate." Shepard stopped, head bowed. Her stare going through the table in front of her. After a few moments she shook the thoughts away, "We're changing tactics, though. Trying to find new ways of dealing with the Reapers. I don't want it to be like it was last time, fighting them as they arrive, all defense with no hope of saving people. Miranda and I have come up with a few ideas, but they're still on the ground level, nothing's really solid yet." She looked at Garrus, suddenly seeming to have aged 10 years. The weight sitting on her shoulders making her hunch, her eyes betraying the fact that she wasn't sleeping well.

"Well if I come up with anything, I'll toss it your way. I'm not sure how we're going to do this, Shepard, but we'll find a better way of stopping those bastards. I promise." He said, placing a hand on her shoulder in what he hoped was a reassuring fashion.

Some of the tension eased from her as she met his gaze, "Thanks, Garrus. I'm really glad I have you here. I really don't know how I'm going to make it through all this again, but knowing you're here makes it seem a little less shitty."

"Well, uh, thanks, Shepard." Garrus cleared his throat, "You know I'm not mushy, but I'm glad I have you, too."

"I don't think anyone could mistake you for mushy, Plate Boy." Shepard teased as she moved over on the couch and laid her head on his boney shoulder.

"I think you mean "Supreme Warrior", Space Bug." He retorted playfully, resting his cheek against her head. The two shared a laugh at the nicknames they had acquired over the years and stayed sitting like that, giving each other comfort and support in a way only best friends could. They only separated when Garrus, unable to keep it down, let lose a yawn rivaling that of a fully grown lion.

Shepard gave an amused chuckle, "I think you'd better hit the hay, buddy. Don't want you drooling on my couch."

"Yeah, I guess so. I do have to say, of all the things I didn't miss these last three days, your insane humanisms were one of them. I can never figure out what they mean."

She sat up and stretched, "Three days? Why three days?"

"That's when I dreamt about all this." He replied, waving a hand to symbolize everything that was happening. "It was also the last time I slept for more than 15 seconds at a time."

Shepard made a mental note, First Tali having the dream the night before Freedom's Progress and now Garrus having it the last time he slept? As Lewis Carroll would say, "Curiouser and curiouser!"

Shepard walked her exhausted friend to the elevator, "I think that means you deserve a good night's rest. No mercenaries, no gangs and no crazy, mind-altering dreams." Giving his cheek a kiss goodnight, she sent him on his way.

**SCENE**

After she was certain Garrus was in bed and asleep, Shepard bounded into Miranda's quarters to discuss what he had shared with her. "Miranda. You awake?" The lump in the bed grumbled. "Ah good. Cause I've got some important information for ya." Shepard sat at the desk and began looking up the information spreadsheet they had begun the previous week.

Miranda's voice came muffled through the comforter, "Not right now, Shepard. There's a lot of sleep to do."

Shepard stifled a laugh, "Did you say, "Right now would work perfectly, Shepard?" Cause that's what I heard!" Normally Shepard would not be considered the playful type, but Garrus' return to the Normandy and the extra data for their research had given her an elated high.

A pillow whizzed past her head as a growl came from the bed. "I swear to God, Shepard, I will make you pay if you don't leave."

Deciding she had teased the poor woman enough for one evening, Shepard turned off the terminal and stood. "Well fine then, I guess sleep is pretty important. I'll just leave a note here on your desk so that when you aren't feeling so grumpy you can read it and get back to me. Nighty night!" Shepard left Miranda's quarters feeling ecstatic.

The puzzle pieces were finally coming together. Not all of them, not even a majority of them, but they had at least figured out an eighth of the puzzle with this new information.

It was at that moment that her stomach alerted her to the amount of time that had passed since she had last eaten. Too lazy to make a real meal, she rummaged through the cabinets in the kitchen for a snack to take up to her room with her. After minutes of digging for something appetizing, she resigned herself to grabbing two of the meal bars they always kept on handy for mid-mission energy boosts.

_Not the most delicious, but they'll do_.

Prying open one of the wrappers, Shepard rounded the corner to the elevator and was greeted by the brilliant red hologram hovering over the door to Life Support. Two weeks had passed on the ship and she had yet to step foot in the room so haunted by memories. Distraction was a useful tool in running from one's demons. Without conscious thought, she began to walk towards the door. The holo went a bright green as she moved closer. EDI must have noticed her movement and unlocked it for her. Uncertainty made her hesitate. This room did not yet house the ghost of the man she loved. Nothing had resided in it but boxes and kitchen supplies. It wasn't the room they had shared conversation in, spending hours dreaming up post suicide mission vacations. This room hadn't witnessed the passionate nights they had indulged in before she had given herself up to the Alliance to be tried for the genocide of the Batarian race. It's not his room.

Deciding quickly, she turned on her heel and walked away from the room.

_He's not dead. He's out there breathing right now. And in 3 months and 14 days you will see him again._ The thought repeated in her mind like a mantra all through the elevator ride to her cabin.

_He's not dead. He's still out there. You'll see him soon. _

_He's not dead. He's still out there. You'll see him soon. _

_He's not dead. He's still out there. You'll see him soon._

Her unconscious hours had been disturbed for so long. Her agony over losing Thane, her regret of not saving more people from the Reapers, the worry she wouldn't be able to stop it this time. As she crawled into her too-big bed, she sent a plea to the stars outside her window to keep the dreams at bay for tonight.

**SCENE**

Author's Notes: Something I forgot to mention when I put this up. The nicknames "space bug" and "ugly" are lovingly borrow from Roarkshop's Sense and Flexibility. It's a phenomenal Shakarian story and I highly recommend you all go read it!


	7. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes:** Sorry for the long wait on this, folks. Finals kicked my ass. Hopefully I passed everything! This is just a short chapter detailing Shepard's life after Thane's death. I will be posting another chapter this week which should be much longer. Again, I am so sorry this is well over a week late. Now, without further ado, here's chapter 6!

_**BEGIN**_

_He was dead. Murdered by a man in a ridiculous mask. She had tried to go about her business through the rest of the day, to pretend it hadn't happened for the sake of the galaxy. But now that she was alone on the ship, everyone else on shore leave, the event of his death came crashing into her. She stumbled up to her quarters, unshed tears blurring her vision and as her hand hit the holo to open hear door, they broke free._

"_It's not fair." She whispered into the empty room. She stared at her bed and the ghost of his memory smiled at her. She shut her eyes, tears falling as she tried not to sob. "It's not fucking fair!" She screamed, balling her fists in her hair. Her knees hit the hard floor as she collapsed, cries of pain ripped from her throat, wracking her body. Laying her head against the floor, the metal cool against her forehead, she screamed at everything and nothing. She screamed until her voice was hoarse and she ran out of words to curse the fates with. _

_Exhaustion took hold, and she crawled to the bed, pulling herself onto it to lie in a ball on her side. She gripped a pillow to her chest, putting all her remaining energy into holding it close to her. Eyes closed against the pain and fingers trembling in the soft cotton, she slowly drifted into a restless sleep._

_**SCENE**_

_She sat next to Kolyat in the Normandy's lounge. Having demanded that the Normandy escort Thane's body home she offered Kolyat a place onboard. The two had been quietly finishing a bottle of very expensive scotch for the last few hours. _

_The silence was awkward but at the same time companionable. He knew that she and his father had been involved. She knew he still disliked her for punching him, but it seemed he had forgiven her for the moment. _

"_Your father was a good man." She whispered into the quiet of the room. It seemed an inadequate pronoun to describe the man who had brought hope back into her life, but she had found it easier to slip back into using her old stand-bys for when fellow soldiers passed._

_Kolyat didn't speak for a long time. When he finally did his voice was muted and held a touch of anger. "I'm glad he was able to make up for some of his trespasses. I don't agree with his choice to go on that suicide mission with you, but it made him feel more at peace." His lips pulled into a dispassionate smirk. "And his feelings for you forced him to live in the moment instead of in memories, so I guess I have to thank you for that."_

_She let out a shuddering laugh. "I know you deserved his love far more than I did and I'm glad he got to spend so much of his last months with you, but I do not regret loving him for one minute. He made my life better, as short as his time was in it." She didn't want to cry in front of the boy she should be comforting, but as her vision blurred and her throat grew stiff, she began to worry it might happen regardless. She leaned forward, propping her elbows on her knees and cradling her drink in both hands._

_Holding back tears was a skill she had perfected long ago, controlling her breathing, however, was one she had yet to master and the sound of her pained sighs filled the room. Kolyat said nothing, but slowly brought his hand up to rest on her shoulder. Shepard placed a hand over his, giving his fingers a brief squeeze. Neither of them knew what to say, so the silence continued._

_**SCENE**_

_The rain poured down from the clouds above their heads. The air was thick with moisture, causing her fly-away hairs to stick to her forehead and neck even under the cover of the umbrella._

_Kolyat stood next to her under the umbrella, his hand resting on her shoulder. Together they watched the boat carrying Thane's kelp wrapped body drift away from the shore. As the boat came to a stop, the two drell inside slowly placed his body in the water and allowed the sea to claim him. The small group who had gathered for the ceremony recited a prayer to Kalahira for the man's soul and began to wander away in twos and threes. _

_She and Kolyat stayed there long after everyone else had left, staring at the waves his body had just disappeared beneath. Silent tears fell from them both as they came to terms with the finality of his loss. The pressure of the hand on her shoulder changed and she was pulled into a hug by the tall drell. The umbrella fell from her hands as she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him back with all her strength._

_The rain covered them, masking the paths the tears had carved into their skin. Their quiet cries drowned out by sound of droplets hitting the ocean._

_**SCENE**_

_The Normandy was docked at the Citadel. It had been almost a month since they had last been here to drop off Kolyat after the funeral. The crew was out on shore leave, enjoying the time they had left before the Crucible was finished and the war effort would come to a climax. _

_She sat in the lounge of the Normandy, content to drink the ship's supply of scotch instead of going to a bar. Music from her omnitool played quietly in the background. She wanted to be alone right now. She wanted to be alone most days since…another shot burned its way down her throat. It was her fifth? Sixth? She had lost count. All she knew was that they were not helping, the alcohol in her blood only carried more memories to the surface instead of washing them away. _

_The song changed and a soft ballad began to play. _

No.

_She leapt off her seat to change the song. These notes were ones that had surrounded them so many times. It was their song. Filled with love and promises and hope. _

_That hope was dead. Promises broken. Love now wasted on thin air._

_Her feet hit the ground and the room shifted, throwing her to the floor. The opening notes continued as she tried desperately to reach her omnitool to change the track. _

Heart beats fast.

_Her movements still as the words swirled around the room. _

Colors and promises.

_She felt her heart shatter and ached to ripe the offending organ from her chest._

How to be brave. How can I love when I'm afraid to fall.

_The words tore at her, ripped her remaining scraps of sanity to shreds and she broke. She curled into herself as cries of torment ripped through her. The song continued to ebb through her skin and into her veins until there was nothing left to her but a ghost. _

_The door opened as two tall figures walked into the space. She didn't hear them approach. There was not enough of her left to hear their soft sounds of comfort. _

_Suddenly she was being lifted from the ground by two strong arms and carried from the room filled with the offending lyrics. Her agonized weeping now the only sound filling the small, metal interior of the elevator._

_Soft fabric slid against her skin and plates brushed her forehead as the person who had carried her continued to hold her against him in the comfort of her bed._

"_Is she going to be okay?" A rough, multi-toned voice asked quietly from across the room._

"_She will be. Eventually." Came a reply from the man now cradling her tear-stained face between his cowl and a mandibled chin._

_Kolyat made his way from the room, locking the door behind him. He had heard that song before, his father had played it on his violin frequently. Now he understood why. _

_Garrus had invited him back to the ship for a game of poker with the Commander. "To keep her busy," he had said. He would have to visit her tomorrow, perhaps they could play then._


End file.
